Letter to my Son and Daughter

Sawyer and Jordyn,

Wow where has the past almost 13 months gone.. The way you have both impacted this world is nothing short of amazing. 

You are both so special to your Dad and I, words can not even explain it. Your special story of how love, family and friends brought you into this world, has forever put a special place in so many hearts. 

You my loves represent the purest form of love possible..

Your Dad and I met five years before you were born and it was during our first date we talked about how badly we both wanted children one day. At the time we were not sure if we could make it happen, but we both knew we wanted to be your Daddies. It was love at first sight for your Dad and I. Everything we had ever wanted, we found in each other. 

It was not easy to start a family for your Dad and I. It took a few years, but we wanted you both so much that we were willing to sacrifice it all for the chance to be your Daddies. After a few years passed, everything aligned for us. It took two very special ladies to help bring you into our lives. Your Aunty Raylene carried you until the beautiful day you were both born. Always know the specialness that comes from your Aunty Raylene and your Aunty Lisa, as our family would not be complete without their love for your Daddies, and now their love for both of you. 

From time to time I am going to write you little notes for you to read when you're older. I will share special moments we have shared and the ways you make your Dad and I so happy. You two are special beyond words, always remember that.

Sawyer,

 

Hello my little man, how much you have grown in the past year. I wanted to take a moment and tell you how special you are and how you have enriched the lives of me, your Dad and all the ones that love you so dearly. 

Your start in this world was a bit of a challenge. Being born six weeks premature I watched with fear as you struggled to breath. Your entrance into this world was one of the most special, yet scariest moments of my life. You were born with a pneumothorax and “Wet Lung," which is a slight tear in the lining of your lung and retention of fluid. With many sleepless nights you showed your Daddies how strong you were and pushed through with the love and support of the nurses and respiratory therapists at Royal Columbia Hospital.

 

Two weeks later your sister was ready to come home but you were not quite ready, perhaps it was all of your beautiful nurses, but you wanted to stay a little longer.

It was Father's Day when we had to leave you behind by yourself which broke our hearts. We spent the day with you and your sister, but the time came when we had to leave, without you by our side. With tears and heartache we left but knew you were only days away from coming home.

Your Daddy Brett came every single day with your Sister Jordyn and stayed by your side day and night. I rushed over as soon as I was off work for the day to get in a late night feeding and snuggle before we had to leave you once again.

One week later you were stronger and eating on your own so the Doctors gave us the news we were desperate to hear: "You can take your son home today". Yay! Finally! All together at last to start our family in the loving home we had created for you and your sister!

From the time you came home you simply amazed us with your affection, love and silly personality. With a smile that can melt a million hearts, to your sweet little giggle, you have created a special "Sawyer" section in everyone's heart that meets you.

Looking at you today I would never guess you had so many struggles coming into this world..You are strong, smart, charming and a funny little man.

I would like to share with you some special things I love about you:

- I LOVE your larger than life full face smile. Sometimes my days are harder than others and with one look at you all those worries go away.

 

- I LOVE your belly giggle. Once you get going you can feel it in your entire body and it's the cutest thing ever!

 

-I LOVE your sense of adventure! It can be tiring at times chasing you around the house but I can see how much joy it brings you experiencing new things each and every day.

 

- I LOVE how special you make me feel with just one look. With the raise of an eyebrow, and your million dollar smile, you encompass nothing but love for me, your dad and your sister.

 

- I LOVE that you LOVE my sweet dance moves and singing skills. You will get older one day and realize they are equally awful, but today I am your singing and dancing idol.

 

- I LOVE that you allow me to be a kid again, you allow me to be silly and remind me not to care what people might think. In my silliness, I know I brighten your day and that makes every moment worth it.

 

My promise to you Sawyer is to always be by your side and to love and support you forever. I promise to show you what makes this world so special and teach you to be kind, loving and accepting to everyone. I will always be behind you with every decision you make. I will be with you through your ups and downs. I will help you through your failures and celebrate your successes, for you are destined for great things.

You, my son, will continue to impact this world in a beautiful way, as you have been, without even knowing it.

Love you always and forever, 

Daddy J

Jordyn,

 

My sweet little girl. I remember the first moment the Doctors walked down the hallways with you and your brother. The first thing that came out of my mouth was "do we have a girl too?” Knowing you now, I can see why we had such a difficult time getting 100% confirmation of your sex during our ultrasounds. You just wanted to keep a little mystery and surprise for your Daddies. I was praying we would be lucky enough to have a sweet little girl too, and along you came by your brothers side!

You, my little sweet pea, came into this world strong and from your first moments I saw your beautiful gentle heart and the special love you will share with this world.

Within 24 hours you, our little five pound sweet pea, was breathing 100% on your own. As your brother struggled, our contact with him was unfortunately limited, but it gave your Dad and I some very special moments with you. We had all are parental firsts with you, from feeding, diaper changes, to bath time and snuggles. You helped mould our hearts and minds to be the loving parents we are today.

Your strength and determination allowed you to come home one week before your brother. I remember our first night together. It was our first Father's Day, and what a special gift to bring you home on the day that celebrates Daddies. We went to Red Robins for dinner; gone are the days of fancy restaurants. Now are the days of family dinning. I remember we could not take our eyes off of you. You stole our hearts with ever peep, wiggle and smile you made.

Our first night at home with you was much like most new parents. We slept on the couch, me, your Daddy and your puppy Nikayla. You slept in a bassinet right beside us and every noise you made, your Dad, Nikayla and I stared down on you to make sure you were okay. Needless to say, our first few nights none of us really slept. Between us being worried new parents to you being away from your brother for the first time, we each had our own challenges. 

 You, from a very early age had a sense of independence. I am not sure if this was your way of showing us that it was okay that your brother needed some extra attention, but if it was, I thank you for that.

I would like to share with you some special things I love about you:

 

- I LOVE being the one to come and get you in the morning. As I sneak into your room, you lift your head and give me the biggest smile a sweet little girl can give. Once I pick you up you wrap your arms around my neck and give me the biggest squeeze your little one year old arms can give. You make me feel so special and loved every morning in that moment we share.

 

- I LOVE that you love the tickle monster as much I love being your tickle monster. Your excitement and giggles warms our home with so much love.

 

- I LOVE your sense of being. You seem to be so in touch with everything around you. I often share with people how my sweet little girl is ten steps ahead of all of us.

 

- I LOVE that you think I am the funniest person you know. With the right look on my face I can fill our days with endless giggles.

 

- I LOVE opening the front door when I get home and being greeted with a scream of excitement when your Dad says “Daddy’s home.” You will never know how special that makes me feel after a long day of work.

 

- I LOVE your determination to never give up. While your Brother is stronger at the moment, you’re not willing to let that stop you from doing anything he does. With wobbly legs you stand up right beside your brother with your sweet little smile of satisfaction — “I can do this too Daddy.”

 

My promise to you, my sweet girl, is very similar to your brother Sawyer. I promise to show you love, compassion and fill your life with support for anything you want to do. I promise I will be by your side through all of life's ups and downs and be there to celebrate your many exciting milestones and successes. I promise to always remind you how special you are to me and everyone around you. I promise you, you will always be Daddies little girl.

You my sweet pea have made our world a better place, from our early morning snuggles to the beautiful things you will accomplish over time. Your future is bright my love, and your Daddies and Brother will forever love and support our sweet little girl.

Love always and forever,

Daddy J 

9 month old twins - Our Adventures Continue

You Hey Everyone! 

Wow where has time gone! I feel like I have blinked and two months has gone by. I now really see what people were talking about when they say "enjoy every minute because it goes so fast"! 

Where should I start? 

Let's start with what you all come here to read about and that is Jordyn and Sawyer! 

It's been incredibly fascinating watching these two grow side by side and learning together. What it has really showed us is how different it is to have a little boy and little girl. Their development is very different and they each have their strengths. Let's just say Sawyer has now rightfully earned the nickname "Sawyer the Destroyer" and Jordyn our "little sweetpea thinker". 

Sawyer has entered little boy mode where everything needs to be "smashed" with a ever so serious look on his face and if said "object" does not do what he thinks it should down will come the tears...Sawyer also has that million dollar smile that literally is a day changer for many... Having a bad day, take a look at this kids full face smile and it will lighten your day up a bit, I know it does for me! He also has his not so smiley moments where the world is coming to a complete end because he can't figure out how he can "eat his toy dinosaur" or "why his toy dinosaur can't eat him".. Kids... Lol... Sawyer has also discovered furniture walking over the last month (8 months old) and you can't get that kid down and speaking of trying to eat everything... Brett mentioned to to me that yesterday if Sawyer could create his menu for the day it would include the following .... The TV remote, Brett's Cell Phone, The Couch and the Dog (she is a "chocolate" lab, fair enough Sawyer)... 

Now to Jordyn.. What a special little girl! Not taking anything away from the equally special Sawyer but she is so special in many different ways. I have told many friends it's amazing to see two kids the same age but one boy and one girl and see how different they are.. We call Jordyn our little thinker... She's incredibly observant and I am convinced she's 15 steps ahead of everyone else in the room. She just soaks everything in. She was the first to say "dada" and is much more verbal with "words" than Sawyer. Jordyn is the type of little lady that will sit on your lap and as you stare into her big blue eyes she will stare right back with the same admiration. These special moments are priceless and nothing else matters at the time. Jordyn has also become quite mobile but not quite as strong as her brother yet.. But not far behind... 

Overall these two little ones have been a continued blessing to Brett, I and our family and friends. At the age of nine months the impact they make on people's daily lives simply amazes me... They enrich all our lives and it's such a beautiful thing. 

As many of you know Brett and I just got back from New York, which was a trip we won through an incredible Gay Family resource website and Facebook group "Gays with Kids" https://gayswithkids.com . Let's talk for a moment about this group, they offer a tremendous amount of information and resources for Gay Dads and aspiring Gay Dads in several different formats from video, editorial and blog postings from Dads just like me! What a gift to our community to have such a great network within Gays with Kids! They partnered with Orbitz Gay Travel and dealing with Jeff their director of marketing was exceptional and I would highly recommend booking with them! 

I would also like to take a moment and thank you all for taking the time and voting for us to win this much needed trip. Their were thousands of you that took the time to vote and share and we are so thankful for that. We would also like to thank Brian and his team @ Gays With Kids and Jeff at Orbitz Gay Travel for putting on this rewarding contest that really highlighted Gay Dads everywhere! 

Now to our trip! Wow, what a city New York is.. It was so much more then I could ever imagine. The sheer size was mind blowing and how alive the city was enthralling! 

We had the chance to see so many of the "must see's" the city had to offer including the "top of the Rock", Central Park, walked the Brooklyn Bridge, The 9/11 Memorial, Kinky Boots and we even caught a Vancouver Canucks game at Madison Square Gardens to name a few! 

Being away from Jordyn and Sawyer for the first time was extremely hard.. I had to remind myself several times that we deserved this time and the kids are going to be ok.. How could they not be ok! They spent 6 days with Grandma Bannister and Aunty Lynda and from the pictures they had an absolutely amazing time.. I was so happy that Sharon (grandma) was able to look after them with Aunty Lynda (Sharon's Sister) for so many reasons.. Sharon lives out of town and does not get a chance to see the kids as much as she would like due to our distance apart and her sister lives all the way in Ontario.  Lynda planned her trip around spending these six days with Sharon and our little twins which meant so much to Brett and I.. Sharon and Lynda have a very admirable relationship for any siblings.. It was so cute to see them "co parent" Jordyn and Sawyer while we were gone.. They did such an amazing job I don't even know if Sawyer and a Jordyn noticed we were gone lol! 

In closing I wanted to share with you my personal experience within the 9/11 memorial that will stick with me forever. The moment we stepped foot on the grounds these towers once stood I felt something.. My heart became heavy and my appreciation for the air I breath, my children, friends and family became intensified. Here I stood were many stood before just going about their daily lives and then absolute terror broke lose. as Brett and I entered the memorial my heart tightened more as I read and listen to first hand stories from survivors and from those that past. One section within the memorial museum was a large room that had a room within in...once you enter the main room the four walls are filled with thousands of pictures of those who lost their lives on Sept 11th, 2001.. Emotions went on over drive as I look at these pictures and I see people's moms, dads, brothers, sisters, grandparents, aunts, uncles, husbands, wives, children and friends..within this room they had a dark room within it with bench seats all around the edges. Brett and I entered this room and spent quite sometime there.. It was our way to pay our respects to those that were lost and those who lost loved ones. As we sat within this room a name, picture, biography and audio message from a family member would play on the wall.  The audio message was a favourite memorie of their lost loved one. With tears running down our face we see the full emotional impact this attack had on so many. With this feeling in my heart I can only imagine the feeling of loss many still feel. After three hours of walking through this incredibly special memorial we left with the love we get to share each and every day, an apreciation that we get to go to bed together each night and wake up to each other every single morning, we get to share laughter and tears and we get to create special moments and memories with those we love. 

Walking through this memorial really showed me how "rich" we are, not in material things but in the love we share each and every day with one another , our children and the special people in our lives. So after your done reading my blog today, go tell someone how much you love them and what makes them special to you.. One message I will leave you with is, never take for granted the special moments and time you have with those you love as life can change so quickly and those opportunities can be lost. 

Lots of love, blog again soon.. 

Justin